It’s been a while since I blogged. It’s been a while since I ran. It’s been a while since I was motivated to run. It’s been a while since I enjoyed running.
When running is your therapy. But it stops working. What do you do?
Running has always been a form of therapy for me. It’s there when I need to declutter my brain after a stressful day. It’s there when I’m angry and I need some time to think. It’s there when I’m sad and I need some time alone to reflect. It’s there when my body confidence is low and it reminds me how strong I am.
No matter which complicated feeling I’m experiencing running always helps. I always arrive home feeling, even if it’s only a tiny bit, better.
However that’s not been the case recently. It seems that I’ve been unable to enjoy (some would say) the mindfulness of running.
Trying to pinpoint why I’m not enjoying it is the difficult part.
I’m beginning to think it’s the performance part of running. For even if I head out to allow myself to think, I’d still start my Garmin. I’d still take a look at my stats when I come home. So is my technology taking away the mindfulness of running?
There are runs when I start my Garmin, head out, allow myself to unwind, or think and not check my watch throughout. I’d just feel good. I’d feel strong. I’d feel more relaxed. More clarity. And upon returning home I’d check my Garmin and see I was running a slow pace. So all the joy I had been feeling soon disappears as I try to pinpoint why I was slow.
I’m not hating on technology. I love being able to track my runs, see my performance, connect with others. I’m a Social Media Manger so the tech side and community side has always been something I’ve enjoyed. But recently I’m beginning to think I need concentrate on how I feel about running. Rather than how my Garmin feels about my running.
So in an effort to try and find the joy in running again. I’m switching off my Garmin. I actually went for a run this morning. Headed out and realised I’d not started my Garmin. But before I pressed ‘start run’ I paused and thought no. I need this run for me, not for my Garmin. So I ran without allowing my Garmin to track anything. Just me, my dog, and my feelings.
I enjoyed my run. I didn’t miss knowing if I was slow. If I PB’d through the woods. If I’d got even splits. I just enjoyed it.
So with no race in sight for the time being. I’m temporarily retiring my Garmin until I start to find the fun in running again.